Cancer Journey Journal 1 ( The Diagnoses)

Cancer Journey “ 9-5-12 “ The Diagnoses “ Why Me ? Why Not Me?

In life we get those defining moments of impact. It’s in these moments that we start to ask ourselves where do I go from here ? Many things start to enter the mind, how will I tell people ? Will I loose friends ? Will I ever be able to have a normal life ? Then the greatest feeling comes to your soul and it’s the presence of God.
I remember all to well just 6 months ago, life felt like it was really moving right along, working on my ministry in spreading the Gospel getting ready to launch my first seminar, feeling like I was on top of the world, not only that I was working out and getting my temple ready to do some major work for the lord. Then comes the month of April I sustain an injury to my right shoulder, and here I am thinking this will get better just another bump in the road. Well month after month I wasn’t getting better, then to add insult to injury my family find out my oldest sister was diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast cancer. I remember the feeling that I felt, Hey we don’t have breast cancer in our family! That early morning of May 23, 2012 2am I was awakened to my very own pain in my breast, and I’m thinking it must be soul sister connection, however the only thing is I felt a lump.
As, the months progressed trying to find health insurance and walking around with a shoulder injury I was truly in the worst pain of my life, and the worst part I know I needed help however with no insurance coverage I felt alone until the lord said “ follow me child I will order your steps” and the lord did just that. Provided the insurance coverage.
9-5-2012: Truly was a day like no other it was the day that has changed my life forever, The day I was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. They say in those moments you feel a sensation in your body that only should come with a reaction of anger however for me that day anger became confusion. Once again that phrase hit the core of my being “ Breast cancer doesn’t run in our family” Well, now it does. In these moments of impact we are able to find out several things about ourselves, one is that Faith over powers Fear and most of all God gives us power to deal and handle the unimaginable. Since getting the news it’s been hard for me to ask Lord why me? Part of the reason is based on the fact that I love the lord so much, that I think about Jesus on the cross I think about the pain and suffering he endured for me, and in that thought process I think about the reasons I will endure and have endured such pain. In life it’s never about us, God allows certain things to manifest for the greater good of humanity and bringing awareness to us. I know that going forward as I start my treatments I will be challenged in great ways, I will have some sad days and many tears will fall, but through it all I know that the Lord we serve is there and that the love that he has given me through people will give me the sustenance that I need to push forward. My mission in this life is to share the love of the  Lord to all that cross my path, one thing we all know for sure is that this existence has an expiration date for us all, however while we are here we are to Love and share Gods light to a very hurting world.
I will be sharing my journey with all of you, and I thank you so much for the out our of love and prayers for it has truly touched my soul in a very eternal way. I love how God has blessed me with Time and everyday I will embrace the moment of now and all of the beauty we have in this dimension of time. Remember it’s not the diagnoses that will kill you, it’s the fear in the mind that will stop you from living. Look fear in its face and tell it to leave you now, for God is with you and he will be your shield and when this life is over you’ll see we never had anything to worry about for the Good Lord was always with us.
Live, love and laugh and make the most of each day, be sure to read the word of God so when defining moments of impact happen you’ll know the answer is the “ Peace” that God gives too us that will see you through.
God bless you, and do know that I love you and so does God, I will post again soon!!

April Nicole ( Warrior of Christ)