I am in a relationship! Can I still have attraction? (My Real Talk)

I am in a relationship! Can I still have attraction? (My Real Talk)


This is a topic, that has been on my spirit, for a long time, and for me to write this, I had to really go to a place, where I have to make people feel, un comfortable, being that this is real talk, I have to touch on certain topics, that many of you, want to hear more about you are just afraid. However, in order for love to grow, we must always live in “truth”.

When we are in relationships? We make so many mistakes, not that we want to make mistakes, but when we attain these relationships, we start to learn these hidden truths about not only ourselves but also the mate, that God has placed us with.

In order for me to write this blog, I had to once again enter my very own “ love data base” and talk about the issues, that I also have dealt with in the past, as well as most of the issues that couples deal with everyday. Why are we starting to let insecurity and Satan destroy our relationships? Come on people! That’s the mission of the world, is to mess up what God has given to you, and you must stand firm in the knowing that “fear” can destroy something so precious, along with insecurity.

I decided to title this topic, this way, because for some strange reason, we as human beings, have this weird notion that when we enter into relationships, that we become blind! And unattractive to the opposite sex, and let’s be honest here, that is just wrong.

To be very honest, once we settle into the relationships, that’s when visual temptation truly takes over. Ladies, we must stop accusing our men, of lusting after other women, why is it, that if we are out with our guy, And the minute a pretty girl walks by, we are already rolling our eyes, and moving our necks and doing the worst thing, we can do to our men “ accusations” Now, in our mind we are already knowing that this girl is pretty, and unless your guy is dead or gay, he is going to look. Now, I know most of my girls out there, are getting angry, but ladies we can not, walk this earth, thinking that our men can not be attracted to other women, attraction is what it is. Nothing more.

Unless the man has crossed the line, and enter the world “ of infidelity” we must take it easy on them.

Ok, now men you know I was not going to let you slide, come on this is real talk! Even though we know, that you are visual creatures, you must respect your lady at all times, it is a difference in gawking at someone and glancing over at someone casually, the moment that you have looked for more than 5 seconds and you continue to keep looking, you have disrespected your woman. That’s not good!!

So, here it is this is the bottom line, we are going to still be attracted to the opposite sex not matter what! And we must accept, you are not doing anything wrong, we are human, and its human nature for us to be attracted to others, however ladies and gentlemen, we must be secure within our selves and trust our partners. Stop allowing the wilds of Satan, to destroy are relationships, ladies if you keep accusing your man of cheating, don’t be surprised if you are not giving him the extra boost of going out, and seeking someone one else. “ You must trust” Ok, and for you men, you must not give women, any reasons to accuse you, don’t be “ gawkers” it’s ok, to find another woman attractive, however “ never” disrespect your woman, by constant eyeing that’s not right.

You know I learned a valuable lesson in my last relationship, and it taught me, that the only time Satan can attack your relationship, is if you let him in, so don’t! And trust and believe if you are in a relationship that is already broken, it just takes that opportunity and the push of “accusations” to send your mate to the arms of someone else, one of my favorite musicians and singers John Legend has a song entitled “ Here we go again” and it speaks about the struggles of being in a relationship when we allow all that pollution to enter in and destroy us, going back and forth. Let’s stop going back and forth, appreciate what God has given to you, and love your partner and trust them, most of “ Trust God” and if it’s in his alignment there is noting that can destroy.

This has been another topic, that I have enjoyed writing, the best thing about “love” is that it conquers all when it is real, and if a relationship is built on a lie, or a need, it was never put together in Gods will, let go and let God…

Remember the most valuable thing we have in life, is Love: it’s universal and never dies, and Time: you can never get it back! So love hard and enjoy! Life is to short to live it in misery.


Smart Diva

One Love and One Blood ( shed for you and me)

90's rewind! ( Music for the Soul)

Ok, so this next topic was placed on my spirit, because love is in season, and whenever I get that feeling of wanting to express myself, I love to listen to classic R& B from the 90's. Music was sooooooooooo good, then.. For most of you, some of these smooth jams I am going to take you back, and for you late 90's people, I also have something for you!

Do you remember the first time you listen to Guy " Lets Chill" ok, some of you humming now, " Lets settle down, thats what I wanta do, just me and you" Ok, so I am already feeling the energy of the flow of this one. So why are we not chilling anymore? All Guy was trying to say, was relax, take your worries away and just enjoy the intimacy of being together, and take that next step and share the love..

Then Jodeci showed up,and they just wanted " Forever My Lady" Ok, ladies so we can relate to this tune, " It's like a dream I am holding you close, keeping you warm if this is exstasy" that was a tune like no other, they were truly telling people to take that romance to a whole different place..Classic(:

Then ladies who came on the scene, no other than the new Queen miss Mary J, and what was she searching for, come on ladies! " REAL LOVE" " I'm searching for a real love, someone to set my heart free" How many of these moments have we ran into, when we are searching for that real love, and we think that one guy is going to try and do us wrong.. Come on ladies, lets give these men some credit.

Then SWV truly showed up, and told these men how they make us so " Weak" in the knees, I can hardly speak, I loose all control your love takes over me" That is the real feeling we get, when that one man, sets us on fire and all we think is just that feeling that knocks us off our feet...It's time to bring that back(:

My, My,My ok, so ladies we all know that when Johnny Gill, put that out, hearts still swoon, I don't care what generation you are in, that song..will never go out.. " Put on your red dress and slip on them high heels, and some of that sweet perfume" Wow, even writing this is taking me back.

Teena Marie, " If I were A Bell" come on, how many kids were created because of this one " Baby I would ring each day for you" Now, thats what love is suppose to feel like, and if it don't then, we gotta problem ladies and and Gentlemen!

" Thats the way love goes" Miss Janet, had a smooth groove to this song, all you wanted to do is just be in that video..AHH The good ole days of the 90's. I would love to add all, I would write all night long, so when I decided to wrap this up, all I could think of,

Quincy Jones dynamic " Secret Garden" ladies, this had El Debarge, Barry White, Al B Sure, James Ingram,, now I dont care if you are male or female, this song hits the core all the way down to the spine... True Romance, all the way..So, since love is in season, I am in hopes some of this back in the day 90's rewind, left you feeling like you just want to embrace the love you have and continue to be "whole" with one another. LOVE IS THE REASON for everything, this has been so fun, and I hope that each and everyone of you, go and play these LOVE TUNES!!

Remember the most vaulable thing we have in life is love and time: Love is forever, and Time: is all we have!!

One Love One Blood ( shed for you and me)

Smart Diva

Single Men ( Part 2)

Ok, men this is going to be real good, so if you can't take the heat, well you know how it goes, remember this blog is ( Real Talk) however, I am going to take it easy on you.

So, while deciding to write this blog, I really had to go back in my love "data base" and get into the minds of some of these men that I past dated, and also put together most of the feedback that I attained while being a Relationship Consultant.

First and foremost I am a huge fan of R&B music, and when I was thinking about music and how it connects to the core of a woman, the first song I thought about was Tyrese " Sweet Lady" and this song truly relates to the emotions of a man, especially when he's trying to get to know the "Sweet Lady". Now, for most of you men out there, swagger is truly needed when you are trying to land that woman that you have been eyeing especially when she is a quality woman.

Noticed, I did say quality guys! So, your sweet lady should be broken down with these traits, S: Smart, W: Wise E: Encouraging E: Equally yoked to you, T: Trustworthy. Now, I know you have heard that a good woman is hard to find, well the truth is " A woman of God is the woman, you should find" ( Real Talk).

Start placing the real value on the woman that you are seeking and why? Don't let music videos place this image in your mind on what a woman should be like, those videos most of the time are just plain ole degrading to women, The true sexuality of a woman is the mind, and the body connects with that along with her heart. If you combined GOD+ MIND + BODY + HEART= Michelle Obama, and men, if you are looking in the right places, you can attain that type of woman, but hey like my girl Beyonce said " You gotta back it up" We like a Barack type of fella, and yeah you gotta know how to rock a suit, and speak like the commander in chief now that's SWAGGER!

However, fellas it's time to start committing to the ladies again, " You Gotta Put A Ring On It" and don't get mad, when the new guy comes around and snatches up the " one that gotta way" Trust me don't let the " Flavor of Love" and " Rock of Love" Or worst of all " RAY J" tell you that you have to date multiple women in order to find the right one. The love of "one" Good woman should be enough. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't feel to comfortable buying a pair of shoes, that all of my friends, and their friends have worn ( get my point!!!)

It's time to bring true love back men, God created you to love woman and appreciate her, and value her. In order to truly love a woman, you have to know what love is, and love is NOT JUST SEX! thats the worlds view of love. So, here are my pointers in finding that good woman, and keeping her

1) A woman that knows and loves God is a great woman, because she has and knows values.

2) Ok, I am not dissing the strippers out there, but trying to marry a woman while getiing a lap dance " So not Good" ( Real Talk)

3) If you love her, and you know it's been years, don't be afraid to marry her, if its Gods will, it will be a great union.

4) Most, of all don't let love end the date ( Which this happens to be one of the books I have written) always treat her like the day you met her, women just like to feel the "ahhhhhhhhh moments" they had when they met you.

5) RESPECT HER!!!!! R: each out and open the door for her, E: entince her mind S: spend quality time with her P: place her high on the list of "love" E: expect to listen to her C: call her and just let know you care T: take the time to tell her you " love her" So, go and find your sweet lady!

This, has been another fun topic for me to write about, I just love talking about all the wonderful and exciting things we go through, when it comes to love. So men and women, lets bring love back, let us embrace the realness when it comes to good ole lasting love!!

Remember the most valuable thing we have in life is LOVE: It never dies and it's universal, and TIME: we can never get it back! So love hard and enjoy the journey!!

One Love One Blood ( shed for you and me)

Smart Diva!

Single Ladies ( Part 1)

Ok, so for many of you ladies out there, the first thing that comes to mind when you see this topic title ( Beyonce's Classic Hit Single Ladies) Even though I am writing in regards to my version of this title song, what I am going to talk about, is the fact that in order for us to get to the ring, there are some things we are needing to do before we get there. ( Real Talk)

The reason why you are seeing Part 1 because I can't forget about the men, out there, and Part 2 will be all about the men.

With so many TV shows out there past and present from the "Sex In The City" to "Girlfriends", ladies we are using TV to show us how we are suppose to act while we are dating and also letting the world tell us, when we should get married.

This is the common mistake we make, letting the world depict to us when we are to get married, and like many of you, if I would have allowed myself to pick the man, I wanted to marry, lets just say, I probably would be writing the topic called " PLEASE STAY SINGLE LADIES" all kidding aside, it's time that we start allowing "God" to show us and direct us to the man, that God wants us to be with, and stop placing a worldly rush on the time.

Many, of you may ask well who am I to say? Well, just like most of you, out there, marriage is something that as women we want to seek, but with the ratio of divorces that are happening it makes you want to take a step back, and look at the reasons why you are wanting to be married. Now, in my last blog I shared with you, that I had the pleasure of working as Online Personal Consultant, and it was quite the experience and through that experience it placed me in my own love soap opera, which was quite like the "Bold and The beautiful"

However, what I did learn that in order for us to reach that next level, we must begin to search within ourselves and take inventory of what we are trying to attain, when we are on the search for marriage, if you would have asked me 4 years ago, why I wanted to get married? my answer would have been "plenty of love making" yeah, sounds pretty one dimensional, but hey that was my answer. Now, if I answer that question today, being a Christian women of God, It would be to honor and obey, and to continue to serve God, and have a partner that is God fearing and who wants to share in the beauty of Holy Matrimony by walking together in " LOVE"

This is just a little break down, on some real talk, when it comes to some of the basics we should have covered.

( My Real Talk On Single Ladies)

1) First and foremost you must love God first, in order for you to attain the chosen man, you must be in alignment to the will of God.

2) Never give a man an ultimatum of marrying you: Once, that happens you are destroying the essence of the lead of this relationship, and hey if you have to force a man to marry you, maybe " that's a sign" Step away from self and give it to God.

3) Understand that Marriage is not just a means to making you happy, it's the will and the alignment of God, that sets the standards of this relationship becoming "whole" by LOVE AND COMMITMENT

4) Truly learn to love you, without knowing who we are as women, we can't truly attract the right man,

5) Let Go and Let God: His time is always better than our own, That is the truth.

This topic has been such a delight to write about, and like I said stay tuned to Part 2 " Single Men" let's stop doing our way, and let God have his way!

Remember the most valuable thing we have in life is Love: It's universal and it never dies and Time: It's all we have, and we can never get it back!

So Love hard and enjoy!!!

One Love One Blood ( shed for you and me)

Closing Remark ( Whether you marry or remain single, learn to be happy exactly where God has placed you, that is where the happiness is)


Smart Diva

Love is Not "The Game"

For one to understand love, one has to truly understand the essence of love is in the knowing that you are worthy to be loved, because the universal source that we share is "love".

One of my favorite shows on TV is a show called " The Game" and the reason why I like this show is for the simple fact that when it comes to love, it is not a game. What God places together if its his will it can not be broken.

The mistakes that most of us make, when we are searching for love, we fail to understand that only by learning who we are as a "being" can we then begin to give ourselves to others.

I remember when I was with my ex their was so many mistakes that him and I made, based on unrealistic goals that we had in place, because we felt "we" placed our relationship together, and now " we" were in charge of maintaining that relationship. That's when we failed,

See the dynamic of "being" with someone one is in the knowing that God chose two to make a "whole" and by choosing he has already mapped out why this relationship is to be?

While working as an online relationship consultant, and speaking with the clients, it was quite astonishing to hear how many people felt, if they played games with their partners it allowed them to know the level of commitment that they had.

Now, the moment we add this dynamic to the equation we have already set ourselves up for failure.

When I look at the main characters on the show "Melanie" and " Derwin" you have two people, who love each other, however the temptation of the world, gives them doubt, that if money, fame, ego, materialism, pride, lust come into this relationship it is destroyed.

Truly in truth, when we allow the wilds of Satan, to come to us, it's never just in the seen, it's starts in the mind, some of the biggest mistakes that we make when finding and keeping love, we start to create in our minds, which brings this energy of the corruption of false truth that we have created.

In order for me to write this blog, I went back in my "love database" and realized, the most complicated thing we do when wanting and sharing love, we think, and act and react from emotion, and once that strikes, we are now left trying to figure out, where did we go wrong?

Painful words start to form, that penetrates the soul of the other we love, expression hurts the eyes, no longer that wholesome image we treasured so much, has been placed with a stare, that cuts so deeply.

So, how do we avoid this? Lets go back and look at the reasons why we loved this person in the first place? Do we really know who we are, when we enter into these relationships, and for what reasons? Love that is based on a lie, and a need is never in the alignment to the will of the father, because the moment manipulation and selfishness enter, you have already rested on the will of self and not the will of God.

So, lets all do something, lets really evaluate what it is we are looking for when we are searching for love? If you are in a relationship let's start evaluating on what is we are seeking? Not the expectation of the partner but from you, the true intention is determined by the frame of the mind and the heart.

God is love, and his love is never wrong.


Remember the most valuable thing we have in life is " Love" : It's universal and it's always there, and " Time" : We can never get it back! So love hard and enjoy all the time, it's all we have.

One Blood One Love ( shed for you and me)

Smart Diva

Time to Make A Change

Hello to all that have arrived to my blog, I am so excited to be doing something that has weighed on my spirit for far to long, and now it has finally arrived.

I decided to truly speak what is on my heart, because by the grace of God, I am wanting to go out and continue to seek those who are looking to make a difference in this painful world.

So much is happening in the world, between unemployment in high numbers, horrible murders happening daily, and the school systems having a hard time sustaining, and so much more.

I start to ask myself what is going on? and how can I do my part, on helping this world become a better place.

This world is missing "Love" through all the pain and turmoil that is happening, the two things we must hold on to is "love" and "time" Love: Is forever and Time: is in the now, and we can never get it back.

When I think about love, I think of the way Jesus loved, and that was unconditionally, and with no judgment.

We must bring back Love, not just personal relationship love, but love for your fellow man. We must start to care again, and use our gifts and talents to help bridge the gap with a world that has fallen.

When we lost one of the greatest entertainers of all time ( Michael Jackson) many, are still grieving, and when you listen to his Earth Song, you get the message of what he was trying to say, What have we done to the world?

It's time to get involved in something that can leave someone better off, than what they were before, I always say a smile is free, and we never know, how that can change someones life completely around.

I am on a mission to help bring love back, and I would love to here from those of you out there, who are also on this divine mission.

My blogs will cover real talk topics, its all truly for love. I hope everyone of you, will enjoy these topics, it will always be something exciting and different.

Keep living your dreams, never let anyone tell you can't! You can do anything you set your mind to.

One Love

Smart Diva